We are not against work. We are against the arrangement.

Somewhere between the standup and the earnings call, the value you create changes owners. The fantasy at the top is payroll zero: a workforce that never sleeps, never organizes, never asks for a raise. They call it “efficiency.” It has an older name.

Dystopian Future exists to document the handoff — the bills they pass, the campaigns they fund, the yacht they expense — with jokes, because the alternative is crying into a calendar invite titled “Quick Sync.”

We cite bills by number. We name names when the names are in court filings. We read the footnotes so you don’t have to. We cover Washington and Ottawa with equal suspicion. And we never, ever blame the intern.